I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
