Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize