im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
