She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
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He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
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So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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