you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize