Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
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