Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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