thus making me awesome and them whores
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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