I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Panties = found
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