so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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