with your own penis?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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