between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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