WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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