I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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