you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
