So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.