so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?