I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
was it more than 30 minutes?
then you're in a relationship
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
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Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin