You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
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You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
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Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
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A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.