just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Someone came in the potted fern
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.