I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
