Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
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she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
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No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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