Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
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He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
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You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
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