my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize