and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
