Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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