genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
