Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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