Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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