I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
