At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
