She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
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Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
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my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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