Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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