Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
