guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
God I need to hump something, right now.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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