Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Randomize
