Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
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There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
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After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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