There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
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