Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
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You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
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This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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