Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize