At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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