Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
