11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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