I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
