so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
