So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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