he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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