and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
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