I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
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He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
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He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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