i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
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better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
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if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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