I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
15 Porn Memes You’re Only Allowed To Laugh At If You’re Over 18
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous