Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
