We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
40s are totally the cure
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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